strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree
Honestly my philosophy of life right now is “What would Montparnasse do? What would Montparnasse think?” and I’m telling you, it does wonders for me.
Are you anxious about calling someone on the phone for any reason? No problem, you are a suave motherfucker, you can do it. No one can judge you, you’re so awesome and everybody loves you.
Go talk to the love of your life right now, you’re amazing, you really are.
Not proud of yourself today? You should be. Look at you. Just wow.
Remember to take some time for yourself and for your body.
You’re super cool no matter what you wear, I don’t make the rules, you make them.
Don’t let anyone disrespect you. If someone does, crush him with your awesomeness.
Or with your boots. Or with a baseball bat. Then rob him of his clothes and leave him with a red rose to remember you in fear and despair like only french 19 years old criminals can do. Go and shine.
As much as I love totally ooc fluffy E/R, come on: Enjolras would have to have a complete personality transplant to do things like tell R he’s beautiful and make grand, sappy gestures.
Bring him food he bought, open a window and maybe tell him that things aren’t as hopeless as he (R) makes them out to be, sure, but being world’s best and most supportive boyfriend material? Not at all.*
I think he’d be understanding to a degree and certainly well meaning, but Enjolras is a quiet, intense person: I think his gestures would be smaller but no less caring. A hand lingering after he pats R on the back, pretending he didn’t hear a snide comment he’d usually scowl at him for and trying to actively include him in group activities more. Little, practical things.
* Not that R would be in the running for that, either.
This never got super angsty, just weird and slightly fluffy… whatever.
"That was a fucking disaster," Montparnasse laughed drunkenly, stumbling outside of the dance club with an equally intoxicated Jehan leaning heavily on his shoulder. "I have- hic!- never seen so many angry bikers in my- hic!- life, man.” He blinked rapidly. “And I used to dance part-time, y’know. Lotsa angry hetero- hic!-sexuals at those places. Lotsa bikers.” He frowned. “Still paid, though.”
"Disaster," repeated Jehan in a slurred voice. “‘Parnasse?"
Montparnasse slowly rolled his head around to face his boyfriend, still laughing. “Yeah?”
"Why’s my shirt wet?"
Montparnasse blinked. “D’you… spill your drink?” He peered at Jehan’s garishly patterned t-shirt, then gasped. “Shit, are you bleeding?”
Pepperoni => Peperoni = Peppers
Stop arguing with the waiter that “THIS IS NOT THE PIZZA THAT I WANTED!” because it’s your fault.
And don’t even get me started on “paninis” because I’m going to cry
Fun fact: pepperoni pizza wasn’t invented in Italy. The only pizza flavour invented in Italy was the margherita. Most of the others were invented in the US.
Funnier fact: Italy has actually invented a lot of pizza flavours in addition to the margherita (marinara, quattro formaggi, capricciosa, diavola, contadina, tonno, acciughe, principessa, just to name a very few).
What the US has “invented” is simply not regarded as pizza at all, in Italy.
I’d like to suggest a better title: “What happens when you don’t bother checking the meaning of foreign words”.
What the US calls “pepperoni” is actually salame (“salami” is a wrong spelling, panini is the plural of panino). This is what real peperoni (singular peperone) look like. They come in different shapes and colours and have so many beneficial properties that I’d need more pages than the whole asoiaf saga to describe them. Especially since they change depending on the colour of the pepeone. Salame is seasoned salted meat and fat (usually pork). It can be hot/spicy or not. It can also be spreadable, like the ‘nduja from Calabria (Wikipedia calls it a sausage, but it’s salame). It obviously is not as healthy as peperoni (no double p). The plural of pizza is pizze as much as the plural of neko is neko.
Another thing I usually hear a lot about pizza abroad is that they replace mozzarella with cheese, which are two completely different things. A pizza with cheese (formaggio) is not a Margherita anymore, for example. There are a lot of pizza types that involve cheese of different kinds and a lot of pizza types that involve mozzarella of different types (mozzarella di bufala, for example). Mozzarella di bufala is a DOP product: it’s unique because of the place it’s produced in, the raw materials used and the way they are obtained (the bufale are bred in specific ways and fed specific and controlled food), the methods used to produce it and so on.
We invented pizza bianca, which you can either fill with ingredients on the inside or use as a base to put stuff upon, like the pizza boscaiola (mushrooms, mozzarella and sausage; no tomato). We invented pizza al taglio, which is hard to find even in Italy itself, depending on the city you’re in.
But that’s not the problem. I don’t care about who invented what, I don’t care if Italy invented pizza, pasta, gelato or limoncello. It’s about the process. It’s about using good ingredients. It’s about making a good dough that doesn’t taste like fucking rubber when you chew it. Or pizza that has been drowned in oil (ugh). It’s also about respecting another culture, because you should never feel entitled to say “I know this better than you even though your culture has been making it for hundreds of years”. Especially since this whole attitude towards Italian food damages our economy. And is just generally disrespectful. You can put whatever the hell you want on your pizza (in the limits of decency), just be conscious of what pizza really is. Like, have a taste of regular pizza before you go around yelling that [pizza with weird ingredients whose name is probably misspelled] is the one and only.
This is the place where if you speak a different language than your own it’s “appropriation”, but if you try to talk about Italian food (which, newsflash, is deeply rooted in our culture and history) “the US invented more flavours”. We can be better than this.
Title: Non è sempre l’idea migliore fare il biglietto. (It’s not always the best idea to buy a ticket)
Rating: Very very K.
Characters/Pairings: Jean Prouvaire, Montparnasse, Jehanparnasse.
Words count: 1193
Summary: C’è un ragazzo bellissimo solo soletto nella sua carrozza e un controllore fa molto di più che controllargli il biglietto.
There’s a beautiful young man all alone in his carriage and a ticket inspector that does a lot more than inspecting his ticket.
If someone who doesn’t speak italian is curious and would really like to read this, I can translate it for you. Just message me!